Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
