I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
