i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
