I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
