I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
