Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
