yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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