Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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