I wish my penis had an off switch
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
