just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
