Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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