I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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