I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
