my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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