I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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