btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
