Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
