she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
