it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
