then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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