I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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