Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You made out with two different species that night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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