dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
