Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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