I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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