i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
