me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
