i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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