I just saw a hot homeless man
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
