Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
