we have officially lost it.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
