How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
