i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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