he shaved USA in his pubs
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
