I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
