I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We had to coat check the pizza.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
