I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
