ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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