quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
