I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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