I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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