Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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