I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
