My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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