She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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