She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
