Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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