don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
