speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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