Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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