Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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